THE POWER CUT ATE MY BITCOIN

Finance Minister Enoch Godongwana delivered his maiden medium-term budget policy statement yesterday and stuck pretty much to the party songbook that everything will be alright provided we all got vaccinated and trusted the state program of fiscal consolidation and structural reforms. He did admit to a woodpile resident in the form of a fourth Covid-19 wave possibly turning up to cause further difficulties for National Treasury already coping with an underperforming, debt-laden economy. Sadly, our latest Finance minister is another who wears hats indoors. Superficial research suggest that this habit correlates with mostly poor performance by the person standing underneath the decoration. The excitement and even hysteria about crypto currencies continues to rise with the best known member of the clan (Bitcoin) breaching R1m in price. But definitely not in value. Tidemarks cheerfully admits to not understanding these instruments at all and his concern about how to establish a value for them was deepened after watching a video of a crypto currency mine at work. It consisted of a ton of computers linked and packed together inside a rusty goods container plonked down in the backwoods of some chilly northern hemisphere country. It was consuming lots of electrical power which was being converted mainly to heat and a few meagre arithmetic answers to unfathomably difficult sums. The only moving parts were impressive industrial sized fans trying to keep the whole shebang cool. Presumably the miner is occasionally rewarded for keeping this gizmo running with a unit of crypto currency being credited to his “wallet”. The sole possibly interesting thing is that if this credit is indeed income that can be used to purchase (or to swap for) goods and services then the tax man knows nothing about it. Yet. The COPPERS have decided to go to Egypt and United Arab Emirates for their next two meetings. These venues will probably be warmer than Glasgow and will better support their theses that Armageddon (or catastrophic sea level rise and other bad stuff) is nigh. They also confirm that eco warriors are immune to irony and devoid of common sense as these countries are great benefactors from the production and sale of oil But almost certainly the number of 5-star hotel rooms available in those venues will be closer to their needs than Clydeside has been. Too many even well meaning and knowledgeable people are now on board this bandwagon, and no one now dares to cry wolf and imperil the very large cash flows on which whole political dynasties, academic careers, huge industries and communities depend. Quietly our National Soccer team is taking successful baby steps toward getting invited to attend next year’s World Cup. There’s a long way to go but they have the second highest number of points in the African World Cup Qualifier series. It has long been a disappointment that a nation of this size didn’t do better. Mind you their celebration routine after scoring a goal would make them shoo-in victor if ever that were made into a competition. The gentlemen’s agreement not to criticise rugby referees and their decisions is crumbling fast. All over the internet (if not yet the big sports TV networks) one stumbles across respected talking heads pointing things out on endless replays. It will end to everyone’s satisfaction(?) only when the whistle man and his two flag carrying flunkies are totally replaced by technology. There are now intelligent balls that know where they are and how they got there, and individual player locations on the field are also known in real time with amazing accuracy. Imagine a loud synthesised whistle blast and a coloured icon projected on to the field which shows the position and nature of the infringement. The whole playing surface could go yellow or red and a projected circle would identify the serious miscreant and follow him all the way on his embarrassing journey to the sin bin! Perhaps it will soon be only deep inside the scrum where those present will ever know what’s really happening! But generally, all front row players deserve some privacy and respect as they go about their work. James Greener Friday 12th November 2021 Tidemarks will be suspended for the next 3 weeks as I am going to the KNP.

VOTER’S REMORSE

Standing in the queue at the polling station provides a fine opportunity for marvelling at how cumbersome this kernel of the democratic process still is. The counting of the votes part seems to be particularly inefficient but in the past it was not. That these days there are fewer bank tellers experienced in counting currency notes volunteering to duty on election night might have something to do with it. Having ballot papers the size of a bed sheet also doesn’t help. At my polling station, the lass wielding the ruggedised iPad device was the bottleneck in the process. After scanning one’s ID card or book with the wireless device, it yielded a number that she clearly announced, and which was then handwritten on the back of the ballot paper. Does that not create a direct link between voter and vote? It was however comforting to see the gentleman who pushes the ballot papers into the ballot box slot with a plastic ruler is still on duty. And really that flatpack polling station furniture suite is pure genius. The provincial secretary of the ANC, a party that seems to have lost considerable support country wide, is reported as saying “something has gone horribly wrong in KZN”. That is perhaps the sole truth of the week. There are astonishing video clips of municipal employees clutching papers and their lunchtime sandwiches, being physically bundled out of municipal buildings. There is no time to waste when it comes to getting aboard the gravy train. The national penchant for ceremonies was indulged last night when a closing ceremony for the election gave President Frogboiler an opportunity to drone on about democratic right, civic duty and a quote from Rubi who told Cyril that she had faith in the leaders of South Africa. But perhaps the 2021 local authority election has shown that South Africans are utterly disillusioned with eternal political promises which will not and cannot ever be fulfilled while the public sector squats like an evil giant bull frog on top of the economy, hoovering up the biggest and fattest flies attracted by the corpse beneath. As expected, the flow of hot carbon dioxide-loaded air at COP 26 has been epic. Everyone including the Prince of Wales has a Plan for how the nearly 8bn of us on this planet ought to behave. Remarkably there is also a Plan for little old us down here on the southern tip. The European Union, Germany, France, the UK and the US have partnered to support South Africa’s climate action goals. They are keen to help us with something called a “Just Energy Transition” which means moving from our heavy reliance on coal to cleaner and renewable energy sources. The glossy wish list announcement opens with 15 paragraphs starting with words like “recognising”, “welcoming” and “embracing” and ends with 5 action paragraphs beginning with “establish” and “explore” All very grown up and official looking. But wait, there’s money: USD 8.5bn which we can all be sure will find no better custodian than the South African Government. Already the local politicians – who obviously knew this was coming -- have thrown their hats into the ring on behalf of the communities and special interests they support. Brace yourself for the blazer badges reading Net Zero Carbon to replace last year’s natty 4IR logo. (4th Industrial Revolution- remember that?). Sorry to harp on though, but it’s the gaps in the physics and chemistry that need attention. It’s not yet feasible to replace the energy available in a 5l jerry can of petrol with something equally portable. Whenever the Australian cricket team appear on the TV in the bar at the bowling club, unrestrained booing still breaks out. The relatively lenient punishment handed out to the players in their test team that went onto a field with sandpaper in their underwear obviously determined to cheat, rankles deeply. So it was very satisfying to see Australia beaten (even if it was only by England) at the T20 world cup tournament. They only just scraped a win against SA. What’s that? The Proteas meet England tomorrow? Pah! And now three back-to-back F1 Grands Prix. That’s a tough ask but look who is asking. The money bags! James Greener Friday Guy Fawkes Day 2021