A LAUGH A MINUTE

It is Provisional Tax time and the unwary looking through the SARS website for what to do can stumble upon a section headed “Tax Can Be Fun”. Allegedly a collection of droll and amusing incidents from the job of dunning citizens for money it still seems weird that somewhere there is an official who thought such a section would be appreciated.

Maybe the most significant part of the recent Eskom pay deal is that it was concluded without any mention of the criminal charges threatened against those employees suspected of sabotage, nor of staffing levels. Until the Eskom work force is savagely trimmed and trustworthy this country is going to battle with electricity that is way too expensive.

So yet again the way PE elects its Mayor has provided material for a book to join the very many being published which try to track what on earth is happening in South Africa. Athol Trollip, the erstwhile mayor of Port Elizabeth (now labouring under the unwieldy name of Nelson Mandela Bay Metro) seems to have lost his job while taking a rather longer than normal adjournment. His office chair was quickly filled by one of the utterly corrupt and untrustworthy thugs who already feature in a book describing their shenanigans in 2016. Now that Trollip has refilled the city coffers it was obviously time for another looting spell.

So far everyone who has appeared in front of the Commission of Enquiry into State Capture has reported that they dismissed the Gupta offers of wealth and power in exchange for corruption and larceny, with contempt. Well done and thanks to them but far too many others obviously didn’t and to cut to the chase it’s the Guptas and Zuma who we really need to hear from.  But that’s never going to happen.

Officialdom and corporates in SA have a near obsession with the requirement that customers need to prove where they live.   All manner of dubious tactics are employed by people in need of a “proof of residence” and its close cousin, a certified copy of the same. If there is any sense or benefit in this timewasting exercise which was probably born out of FICA, that allegedly internationally applicable banking regulation, it has yet to be seen. The crooks seem able to move and launder money without hindrance and there is no visible reduction in crime just because our service agencies have vaults full of paper. However, there is one place where having one’s home address recorded makes sense and that is the Voters Roll and indeed the law insists upon it. However, yet again the government agency which supervises elections is back in court asking for this requirement to be suspended. Clearly powerful forces gain some benefit from a non-compliant voter’s roll at election time. Curious and suspicious.

What was happening in Britain this week that they felt it would be a good idea to send their Prime Minister to Africa for a few days? Theresa May nipped in and out of Cape Town with a thoughtful gift that was quickly offset by at least two less wise actions. The gift was the ship’s bell rescued from the wreck of the SS Mendi was sunk in the English Channel on 21^st February 1917 resulting in the loss of 616 South Africans on their way to help in the First World War. Our nation appreciates that present very much. Unfortunately, Mrs May then said and did some foolish things. Firstly, she plunged into the Expropriation without Compensation morass and said she would support the ANC’s policy of land reform provided it was legal and democratic. And secondly, she attempted a few dance moves in the home of the world’s most rhythmic nation. Had Mrs May’s advisors not told her that here we dance even when we are steaming mad?

The Supersport list of televised events now has Angolan soccer. This is nearly as odd as Mercedes complaining that Ferrari are too fast or trying to follow the Proteas. My but that Bledisloe Cup is huge. It must take up several airline seats all its own. Just as well it hasn’t left New Zealand in years.  

James Greener

Friday 31^st August 2018

PUMPED UP

It has long been an observation of ours that identifying beneficiaries for gifts, particularly of money, is very difficult. No sooner has a suitable candidate been identified than a host of probably more deserving cases press forward with their story. The temptation to simply drop the stuff from a window as was done on the UCT campus this week, is high. Now, courtesy of our government, we are discovering that identifying stuff to steal is equally difficult. Just when you think that a piece of property looks to be worth seizing, another more tempting plot appears on the list. Of course, when operating in the taking instead of the giving direction, there is the added difficulty that the thief is not independent of the decision, as it turns out he might just also be the benefactor identified for the proceeds of the crime.

So far, the list of properties identified for the first round of expropriation without compensation have not really fitted the bill of being a place where a currently landless citizen might turn into a self-sustaining even profitable agricultural venture. There seem to be a great deal of un-settled mining rights and other complications attached to the tracts of land that our government wants to steal from the current owners. The other difficulty is that no matter how we all might cling to the image of the weathered son of the soil toiling 18 hours a day to wrest a living from the sun-baked earth the truth is that our food is the result of agribusiness where financial parameters are as important as rainfall, rising early and fetching a pail of milk for breakfast from the dairy.  

The utterly insolvent SABC has announced that they will be showing live many of the matches of the English Premier soccer league. Since that is probably the world’s most popular and in-demand sporting package, it is good news for fans. What’s unexplained, however, is just how the SABC will afford this when apparently it still owes Bafana Bafana (the national soccer team) for matches broadcast long ago. Ah, the magical mysteries of SA parastatal finance.

This week it was announced that our overpaid cabinet ministers can’t be expected to buy their own Weber braai and so half a million rand has been budgeted for building them a braai area. One is tempted to venture into that silliest of swamps, the outrage about the cultural appropriation nonsense and wonder if anyone but an Afrikaner ought to be permitted to braai, but perhaps not.

It was a few weeks ago when one of our particularly ignorant and foolish diplomats started issuing threats against the USA. President Trump obviously noted this and has now instructed one of his staff to find out just what is happening down here. It’s unlikely that even if the egregiously racist and discriminatory actions of President Cyril’s government are explained to him that there is much he will do. After all Trump has already noted that South Africa is a country with a long record of opposing USA in international fora. However, the fun bit is what the reaction has been among our numerous so-called leaders. They are simply furious that the most powerful man on the planet should take an interest in this sad country being run so badly by mostly incompetent thieves and looters. The commissions of inquiry into matters like why the tax collection system was deliberately broken do cast tiny beams of hope but we are almost out of people who can fix these disasters. When the front-page picture in the paper shows a posse of councillors and luminaries proudly cutting the ribbon to open a new toilet then you grasp just how low we have fallen.

It is now just over 4 weeks since I had an open-heart operation to replace the aortic valve. My recovery has been far slower than I hoped and at least half that period is lost from my memory. I don’t handle all those drugs very well. But now as you see Tidemarks is back and hopefully little changed in tone and style. It seems as if almost everyone on this mailing list sent me good wishes and many other words of support. You will understand why I haven’t responded individually but will take these words of appreciation and thanks as heartfelt and sincere. Already there are the odd messages wondering if and when I’ll get back to the keyboard and today is the longest session I have managed since July 24^th. Once again thank you for your concerns.

James Greener

Friday 24^th August 2018